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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2006/11/8 22:59
From Kuching
Posts: 494
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Quote:

WinteRose wrote:
Quote:

ahfeiko wrote:
one day i was walking along Carpenter street,an elderly man & his wife was just infront of me.as i was walking behind them,wcoming towards me is a dashing,stunning,savvy,sassy & brassy hottie .. this ah pek suddenly "wakes up" & stared at this hottie walking pass by. his fuming wife straightaway got the message & lashed at him,...saying something like..."lu ta po,memang lau chee ko".she was loud & the ah pek answered back,.." ta po bo chee ko,char bo tu Seiko liaw..."


^

Men are like a deck of cards....


You need a Heart to love them
A Diamond to marry them
A Club to beat them
And a Spade to bury the bastards






-_-....................There are three birds on a tree,a hunter shot one down,another fly away to report police,another stay there as witness.

Posted on: 2008/2/26 16:36
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
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What Kind Of Penis Do You Have?

The Excedrin Penis: Its tthhhhiiiiiiissss big.
The Snickers Penis: It satisfies you.
The Magnavox Penis: Smart. Very Smart.
The Life Call Penis: Its fallen and it cant get up.
The American Express Penis: Dont leave home without it.
The Tootsie Roll Pop Penis: How many licks DOES it take...?
The M&M Penis: It melts in your mouth, not in your hand.
The Lucky Charms Penis: It's magically delicious.
The Energizer Penis: It keeps going and going and going.
The Right Guard Penis: Anything less is uncivilized.
The Campbell's Soup Penis: Mmm, Mmm good.
The Kix Penis: Kid tested, mother approved.
The McDonalds Penis: Over 8 billion served.
The Tombstone Penis: What would you like on your penis?
The Ragu Penis: Comes out chunkier than the rest.
The Cobain Penis: It blows itself away.
The All State Penis: Youre in good hands.
The 7-Up Penis: The UN-penis.
The Barqs Penis: The one with bite.
The Beef Penis: Its whats for dinner.
The Bud Lite Penis: Great taste, less filling.
The Transformers Penis: Its more than meets the eye.
The Twizzler Penis: It makes mouths happy.
The Sega Penis: PENIS
The Starburst Penis: The juice is loose.
The Timex Penis: Takes a lickin and keeps on tickin.
The Burger King Penis: It takes two hands to handle a whopper.
The Flintstones Vitamins Penis: 10 million strong and growing.
The Wendys Penis: Wheres the beef?
The Lays Penis: Betcha cant eat just one.
The Matthew Sweet Penis: 100% fun.
The Little Caesars Penis: Penis Penis
The Mortal Combat Penis: Nothing can prepare you.
The Bounty Penis: The quicker picker-upper.
The Street Fighter II Penis: Matt, stop, youre too good at this.
The Dominos Pizza Penis: delivers in 30 min. or less.
The Monty Python Penis: Isnt it awfully nice to have a penis?
The Monty Python Penis II: Every sperm is sacred....
The Rice Krispies Penis: What does your penis say to you?
The Extra Penis: Lasts an extra, extra, extra long time.
The Charmin Penis: Dont squeeze the penis
The Beatles Penis: Now a quarter smaller than it used to be.
The Oasis Penis: Thinks its the Beatles penis.
The Windows 95Penis: If you ask it to do too much, itll crash.
The Virginia Slims Penis: Youve come a long way, baby.
The Secret Penis: Strong enough for a man, ph balanced for a woman.
The Micro Machines Penis: A whole world, in the palm of your hand.
The Maxwell House Penis: Good to the last drop.
The Payday Penis: Its almost totally nuts
The Yellow Pages Penis: Let your fingers do the walkin.
The Reeses Penis: How do you eat your penis?
The Beavis Penis: Look It's changing color
The Sustecal Penis : More protein, less fat
The Downey Penis: Come on Downey.
The Just For Men Penis: A sure thing for a natural look?
The Milk Penis: It does a body good
The Taco Bell Penis: It runs for the border.
The Cinnamon Toast Crunch Penis: It's the adult thing to do?
The AOL Penis: Its so easy to use, no wonder its #1?
The Pontiac Penis: Built for kicks, Built for Keeps
The Psychic Penis: It knows you are coming before you do.

Posted on: 2008/2/26 21:41
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2007/7/10 0:08
From Singapore - Kuching
Posts: 2661
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What's this penis joke? =.=' This forum is getting out of shape.

Posted on: 2008/2/27 11:41
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2007/12/31 15:02
From in your mind
Posts: 454
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Men.. they never learn

A man and his wife receive a letter from their daughter who went to study overseas:

My beloved Parents, I miss you so much. I don't know when I'm coming home, but it seems not anytime soon. It breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back you'll be too old. So enclosed you will find a bottle of a potion I have invented. It will make you young, so when I return you'll be the same age as I left you. NOTE: " Please take only one drop"
NOTE: "Please take only one drop"

So they open the envelope and in it there is a bottle with a red potion..
The husband looks at the wife and says: "You go first."

So the wife opens the bottle and takes a drop, there after the husband follows. Indeed they do turn 5 years younger.

A year passes and the daughter returns home to find her mother young and beautiful, carrying a baby on her back.
The mother proceeds to tell her daughter how the potion worked and made her look young.

The daughter is delighted and asks about her father.
"Your father, my child, got so jealous that I was young and beautiful so he drank the whole bottle."
"So where is he?"

"Oh, that's him I have on my back."

Posted on: 2008/2/27 12:54
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2006/11/8 22:59
From Kuching
Posts: 494
Offline
Quote:

WinteRose wrote:
Men.. they never learn

A man and his wife receive a letter from their daughter who went to study overseas:

My beloved Parents, I miss you so much. I don't know when I'm coming home, but it seems not anytime soon. It breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back you'll be too old. So enclosed you will find a bottle of a potion I have invented. It will make you young, so when I return you'll be the same age as I left you. NOTE: " Please take only one drop"
NOTE: "Please take only one drop"

So they open the envelope and in it there is a bottle with a red potion..
The husband looks at the wife and says: "You go first."

So the wife opens the bottle and takes a drop, there after the husband follows. Indeed they do turn 5 years younger.

A year passes and the daughter returns home to find her mother young and beautiful, carrying a baby on her back.
The mother proceeds to tell her daughter how the potion worked and made her look young.

The daughter is delighted and asks about her father.
"Your father, my child, got so jealous that I was young and beautiful so he drank the whole bottle."
"So where is he?"

"Oh, that's him I have on my back."


LOL.This kinda of story got a lot of version.

Posted on: 2008/2/27 17:32
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I am still studying in high school, I m sorry if my post have any errors.
STOP.Take a second,think about your life。
Are you over busy with your life? If No,thats good.
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Re: Daily Jokes
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Joined:
2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
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Job Descriptions

1. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didnt happen today.

3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

4. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

5. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont understand.

6. A mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isnt there.

7. A topologist is a someone who doesnt know the difference between a coffee cup and doughnut.

8. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."

9. A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

10. A professor is one who talks in someone elses sleep.

11. A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

12. A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

Posted on: 2008/2/27 18:52
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Re: Daily Jokes
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2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
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Forgetful Actor

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say theline Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play hes practicing his line over and over again.

Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"

The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"

"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"

Posted on: 2008/2/28 22:42
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
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Gentle Touch

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.

"Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Im afraid I cant" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"Tell him that there is no loo paper in the ladies."

Posted on: 2008/2/29 22:02
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
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2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
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Statue Of Infidelity

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Dont move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend youre a statue."

"Whats this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

Posted on: 2008/3/2 19:35
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
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Questions that will always remain unanswered

1. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
2. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets arent going
as ghosts but as mattresses?
3. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
4. Is there another word for synonym?
5. Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
6. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
7. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
9. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
10. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?
11. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
12. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?
13. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
14. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
15. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
16. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word Lisp to have a S in it?
19. Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of asteroids?

Posted on: 2008/3/3 22:17
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