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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
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Quote:

dckw wrote:
c'mon qae, give us another one before I knock off for the night.


Enough liao lah! Hahaha...

Posted on: 2008/4/7 23:11
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
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The Atheist

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, well show him how wrong he is."

Posted on: 2008/4/9 1:25
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
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Horoscopes by Adam Sandler

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a f*cking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding of other peoples problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and wont be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherf*ckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while f*cking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-b*tch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.

Posted on: 2008/4/11 4:19
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2006/11/8 22:59
From Kuching
Posts: 494
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**You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.** LOL.

Posted on: 2008/4/11 20:31
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Are you over busy with your life? If No,thats good.
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
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Quote:

LemonTea wrote:
**You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.** LOL.


LemonTea: Do you think you are what as mentioned? We are the same leh! I do not think I look exactly what is mentioned inside.

Posted on: 2008/4/11 20:40
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2008/4/8 8:22
Posts: 161
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Extraordinary Dog

A guy was driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he saw a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog for Sale'. He knocks on the door and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Feist sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks the dog.

'Yep,' the Feist replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Feist looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services...the United States Marines. You know one of their nicknames is 'The Devil Dogs.'

'In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So, I decided to settle down.' 'I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back around front and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the owner says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's such a liar ... He never did any of that stuff. He was in the Navy!'

Posted on: 2008/4/11 20:59
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2006/9/25 15:51
From Kuching
Posts: 699
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Quote:

nathan wrote:

He was in the Navy!'


cute! I like!

Posted on: 2008/4/12 9:31
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Re: Daily Jokes
Just can't stay away
Joined:
2008/1/18 2:36
From Kuching
Posts: 2294
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One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man 'Why are you eating grass?'

'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied. 'We have to eat grass.'

'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you', the lawyer said.

'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree'.

'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us also.'

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, 'But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!'

'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor
fellows turned to the lawyer and said, 'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.'

The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 metre high!'

Lesson : Don't trust kind lawyers!!

Posted on: 2008/6/11 22:37
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2007/8/29 12:17
Posts: 303
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there was a banana,a pickle and a penis hangin out together one day:
banana:poor me..when i grow up they will pill my skin off and eat me raw!

pickle:atleast u get to be eaten in one piece!i owes get slice into pieces

penis:sigh!u guys aint know nothing yet..when i grow up they owes bundle me up with an oily rubber bag..slam me into a dark room and bang my head on the wall untill i puke up and faint!

Posted on: 2008/6/12 16:02
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2007/7/10 0:08
From Singapore - Kuching
Posts: 2661
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oh my.. ahhaahahaha! this is dirty joke! lolx....

Posted on: 2008/6/12 16:12
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