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Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
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The rescue team finds the crashed airplane. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone, with a huge pile of human bones next to him, and the rescuers are shocked. He says, "You cant judge me for this. I had to survive." The leader of the rescue team says, "But Jesus Christ, man... your plane only went down yesterday."

Posted on: 2008/2/21 14:51
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Life is SIMPLE, don't take it SERIOUSLY!!!
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
Offline
Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner...
who lives with a female roommate Maria...

During the course of the meal, his mother couldnt help but notice how pretty Anthonys roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two,and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his moms thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your
mother came to dinner, Ive been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.
You dont suppose she took it, do you?"
Well, I doubt it, but Ill e-mail her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote;



Dear Momma,
Im not saying that you did take the sugar bowl from my
house, and Im not saying that you did not take it. But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Anthony



Several days later, Anthony received a response e-mail from

his Momma which read.......



Dear Son,
Im not saying that you do sleep with Maria, and Im not
saying that you do not sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar
bowl by now.

Love,
Momma.


Lesson: Never lie to your momma

Posted on: 2008/2/23 0:14
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
Offline
Teacher:- "Right, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?"

Little Johnny:- "None Miss".

Teacher:- "Could you tell me why?"

Little Johnny:- "Well Miss, when the farmer shot the bird, the sound of the gun would have frightened the other birds away".

Teacher:- "Well, the answer I was looking for was four. But I like your thinking."

Little Johnny:- "Miss, while were asking questions, could I ask you one?"

Teacher:- "Its a bit irregular, but go on then"

Little Johnny:- "There are three women sitting on a bench in the park, eating ice lollies. One of them is licking the lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?"

Teacher (rather embarrassed):- "Err... I suppose it was the last one."

Little Johnny:- "Well Id have said the one with the wedding ring. But I like your thinking."

Posted on: 2008/2/23 18:44
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2006/9/25 15:51
From Kuching
Posts: 699
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Improving, QAE8687....

Posted on: 2008/2/25 10:59
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2006/3/11 2:16
From canada
Posts: 427
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There was this very amorous stud monkey named Sam that have had 'affairs' with every known animal except 2, the zebra & porccupine.

One day indeed, he came across a porccupine and immediately initiated his antics. The porccupine wasn't entirely amused nor enthused, but Sam wasn't about to give up easily. He started to get aggressive, but 6 shots of arrows from the porcccupine sent him scurrying & yelping.

A short while later, he came across, you got it .... a stud zebra named Dan, who saw the 6 holes on Sam, started laughing and asked what happened to him.

Sam was obviously not amused either. "Dan", he said, "take off your pyjama and I'll show you what happened!"

Posted on: 2008/2/25 12:41
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
Offline
A man is having a few drinks at a bar when he looks over and notices a drunk guy passed out at a table nearby. The bartender tells him the drunk is Mr. Murphy and asks the man if he could drive Mr. Murphy home. Being a good Samaritan, the man agrees. The bartender writes down the address and gives it to him.

The man walks over and tries to wake Mr. Murphy but Mr. Murphy is groggy and quite drunk. The man helps Mr. Murphy to his feet and Mr. Murphy falls to the floor in a heap.

"Jeez," the man says wondering how anyone could drink so much. He takes Murphy by the arm and practically drags him out to the car. Once there he leans him against the side of his car while he looks for his keys. Mr. Murphy slides down to the ground. The man finds his keys and manages to get Murphy positioned in the car.

He then drives to the address the bartender gave him. He opens the passenger door and helps Mr. Murphy out and the guy falls to the ground. Cursing softly, now, the man helps him to his feet and practically drags him to the front door. He lets go of Mr. Murphy to knock on the door and the guy falls down again. He helps him to his feet as Mrs. Murphy answers the door.

"Hi, Mrs. Murphy, Your husband had a little too much to drink tonight so I gave him a ride home."

"That was nice of you," she says, looking around...
"But wheres his wheelchair?"

Posted on: 2008/2/25 18:20
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2008/1/10 23:59
From Kuching, Sarawak
Posts: 1578
Offline
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms.

The first is full of raging fires,
the second is full of assassins with loaded guns,
and the third is full of lions that havent eaten in 3 years.

Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?

4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

6. This is an unusual paragraph. Im curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.





Answers:

1. The third. Lions that havent eaten in three years are dead.

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.

3. Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the ice in the barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which jug.

4. The answer is Charcoal.

5. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

6. The letter "e," which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph

Posted on: 2008/2/25 22:38
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2006/8/10 22:42
From kuciang
Posts: 1717
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one day i was walking along Carpenter street,an elderly man & his wife was just infront of me.as i was walking behind them,wcoming towards me is a dashing,stunning,savvy,sassy & brassy hottie .. this ah pek suddenly "wakes up" & stared at this hottie walking pass by. his fuming wife straightaway got the message & lashed at him,...saying something like..."lu ta po,memang lau chee ko".she was loud & the ah pek answered back,.." ta po bo chee ko,char bo tu Seiko liaw..."

Posted on: 2008/2/26 10:29
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2007/12/31 15:02
From in your mind
Posts: 454
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Quote:

ahfeiko wrote:
one day i was walking along Carpenter street,an elderly man & his wife was just infront of me.as i was walking behind them,wcoming towards me is a dashing,stunning,savvy,sassy & brassy hottie .. this ah pek suddenly "wakes up" & stared at this hottie walking pass by. his fuming wife straightaway got the message & lashed at him,...saying something like..."lu ta po,memang lau chee ko".she was loud & the ah pek answered back,.." ta po bo chee ko,char bo tu Seiko liaw..."


^

Men are like a deck of cards....


You need a Heart to love them
A Diamond to marry them
A Club to beat them
And a Spade to bury the bastards




Posted on: 2008/2/26 10:39
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Re: Daily Jokes
Home away from home
Joined:
2006/8/10 22:42
From kuciang
Posts: 1717
Offline
Quote:

WinteRose wrote:
Quote:

ahfeiko wrote:
one day i was walking along Carpenter street,an elderly man & his wife was just infront of me.as i was walking behind them,wcoming towards me is a dashing,stunning,savvy,sassy & brassy hottie .. this ah pek suddenly "wakes up" & stared at this hottie walking pass by. his fuming wife straightaway got the message & lashed at him,...saying something like..."lu ta po,memang lau chee ko".she was loud & the ah pek answered back,.." ta po bo chee ko,char bo tu Seiko liaw..."


^

Men are like a deck of cards....


You need a Heart to love them
A Diamond to marry them
A Club to beat them
And a Spade to bury the bastards
..you're good



Posted on: 2008/2/26 14:22
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